The integration of contemporary society has brought in its wake an increase in inter-racial and inter-religious marriages. It is now quite common to find mixed marriages across the racial barrier involving men and women from different religions. The Islamic and Shar’ee implications that stem from this phenomenon are far-reaching and extremely important. We propose to discuss all this and more on mixed marriages later on in a separate publication, insha Allah. Right now, though, this article is intended to focus on one of the consequences arising out of a mixed union, and that is the gross contravention of the wife’s rights by husbands who pose as up-keepers of Shariah.
This scenario eventuates when a Muslim man marries a female who reverted to Islam. The newly converted Muslim has yet to acquire the elementary and very basic teachings of Islam, let alone understand the technicalities of an Islamic marriage and its consequences. Exploiting this ignorance of the new Muslim, some husbands commit clear-cut violation of her rights while all the while creating the impression that they are acting within the ambit of Shariah. They break all the rules in the book, and make it appear to the reverted Muslim wife that their actions are sanctioned by Islam. Who, one wonders, do they think they are fooling? It is the height of villainy to pass off one’s zhulm or oppression as a teaching of Islam. What message does this send out to new Muslims, or to non Muslims? A Muslims is supposed to be one who invites people to Islam through his actions. This is the hallmark of a real daa’ee. Instead, the actions of these hypocritical husbands only serve to create further confusion about our Deen, and make people more disillusioned. The noble institution of nikah has been reduced to a mockery by husbands out to simply satisfy their base desires.
OUT ON A LIMB
Some of them will convert young Christian girls to Islam in order to marry them, and then, after having used and abused these naïve females, they abandon them, sometimes without even issuing talaaq. So the poor woman is then totally out on a limb: she has no husband, nor is she able to remarry. Eventually some of these females go back to their former religions and abandon the Deen of Islam. The husband who instigated this whole sorry mess must share the blame for this irtidaad or apostasy. Is this how Muslim men view the sacred union of nikah? What a shame that nikah has become a vehicle for men to satiate their lowly desires, by using innocent and gullible non-Muslim females who come into the Deen and into marriage with high hopes and aspirations. In some cases, reverted females were lured into marriage by incentives of money and good living, only to discover that the man does not even provide basic necessities. These new-Muslims have to actually go out and work to support themselves, thus bringing in its wake another type of corruption. Since they are new to Islam, these women are not grounded in the Islamic concepts of morality and modesty. Just as they had met their Muslim husbands on the streets and in workplaces, what prevents them from striking up another illicit relation in these places? This is the ideal recipe for marital disaster. Cases of this nature have occurred in the past, with devastating results.
ABUSE AND TORTURE
When this happens, the husband then punishes her by withholding expenses, abusing her verbally or physically, or both, or by sheer blackmail because of her dubious past. The verbal abuse and insult goes to an extent where even the poor woman’s affiliation to Deen is questioned. She is made out to be the worst of creatures, and such is the incessant swearing and ridicule that the poor creature eventually starts believing that she is as bad or even worse than the husband says. Such mental abuse ranks among the worst forms of zhulm in Islam. If people like this die before taubah, they will have to pay dearly for such wholesale zhulm. Allah Ta’ala may forgive sins that remain between Him and man but will not grant forgiveness for sins involving the rights of His servants unless pardon is sought from the victims.
FOREIGNERS
Foreign nationals are among the biggest culprits of such marital felony. Some of them marry and then disappear overseas leaving the revert wife totally deserted and lost. There is no contact for months, until suddenly one day the husband appears from nowhere. And that too, if the woman is lucky. Some of these callous and cruel husbands will not re-appear ever again, leaving the poor wife in limbo. She then has to solicit the help of ‘Ulema to annul the marriage so that she may marry again. In some cases these absconding husbands were contacted telephonically and asked about their intentions. They then arrogantly tell the wife: “do what you must do”, or. “you can go and get your fasakh”. These impertinent husbands have failed to fully grasp the sanctity of Islamic nikah, hence they pass such stupid and ill-conceived remarks. Again, what example are they setting to new Muslims? Convenience marriages are also casualties in this sordid affair.
STAUNCH IEMAAN
Alhamdu-lillah, some of these female reverts become so staunch in Islam that they proudly claim, in spite of their husband’s recalcitrance, that they shall never leave Islam, and that the oppression of the husband will never cause them to sway from Deen. However, there are those who are not as firmly committed to Islam, and these poor women eventually drift back to kufr. The sin of them becoming murtadd lies squarely on the shoulders of the husband who had left them in a lurch.
The Holy Quran declares: “And treat wives with kindness and justice” (Surah Nisaa).
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Marital Oppression Under the Guise of Islam
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The Web has Netted our Marriages
There is an alarming increase in the number of marriages that have broken down or are on the verge of breaking down due to the husband’s involvement in internet dating and web pornography. This is a new form of sin involving modern-day technology. Here we have zinaa via the net. Young and old husbands are spending hours at odd times of the day and night chatting to women over the net.
With the cheap availability of laptops and notebook computers, we now have mobile zinaa. Wherever the intender of evil is, he can access the internet and pornographic websites and chat-rooms via his laptop. This is zinaa while on the move. Some ignorant men labour under the false notion that it is fine just chatting to women over the net, as long as there is no physical contact. This is how they soothe their conscience. But understand that Rasoolullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) prohibited zinaa of the eyes (looking), zinaa of the ears (hearing), zinaa of the tongue (speaking) and zinaa of the hands (touching). On the basis of this hadith in Bukhari Shareef, how can we ignore the clear-as-daylight sin of the hands when that unfaithful husband sits at his keyboard and types in those haraam words and messages. The Holy Quran warns that even our fingers shall be resurrected and shall bear testimony for or against us! (Surah Qiyamah, verse 4, and Surah Yaseen)
It is despicable in the extreme to hear of outwardly pious people who dress Islamically and guard their eyes from looking at women in the street, indulging in this evil past time and satiating their eyes on haraam pictures over the net. They believe that no one sees them. Alas, such men are utter fools who have been duped by their lowly nafs and shaytaan. Allah says in The Holy Quran: “Does he not know that Allah is watching him?” (Surah Iqra’) “And Allah knows your movements (outside the home) and your living conditions (inside the home)” (Surah Muhammad). “Verily nothing in the heavens or in the earth remains hidden from Allah” (Surah Aala Imraan, verse 5)
One wise man states in prose: “O You who strives in sin behind locked doors, know that the Knower of the unseen and the present is ever present; He has the power to expose you, even in the darkest corner of the earth. Do not be deceived by concealment, for The Gaze of Allah penetrates all barriers.”
When the wife eventually discovers her husband’s naughty cyber escapades, then all hell breaks lose. It is then that all the months of internet pleasure is mercilessly expunged from the husband’s system through stress, depression, and marital misery. Well, he has to blame himself for falling to temptation in the very first instance. The Quran declares: “Whatever calamity befalls you is because of your own handiwork” (Surah Shoora)
The amazing part of this whole sordid scenario is that even after having to go through hell, with the wife threatening to expose him, demanding her talaaq, and eventually walking out on him with the kids, the blessed idiot still goes back to his depraved sexual mannerisms and internet romps. When, in the name of all that’s good, will this husband learn his lesson? Allah Ta’ala save us from addiction to sin, aameen. It appears that these poor souls, like alcoholics and drug addicts, drown their miseries by indulging in these filthy misdoings.
In the next edition of Al-Farouq, we will, Insha Allah, offer a cure to this malice that has ravaged homes of good Muslim couples.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Formula for Marital Success
This is an abridged translation of a lecture delivered by Hazrat Moulana Haji Muhammed Farouq sahib (rahmatulahi alayh)
We praise Allah and send Salaat and Salaam upon His Noble Messenger. Through the Taufeeq of Allah and the barkat of my Shaikh, in Sukkur I spoke for a few days on the methods and benefits of improving marital relations.
A GREAT BOUNTY
My Hazrat (RA) always stressed on one thing: Your wife is not only your wife, but she is also the female slave of Allah. She is not your worker or naukar (maid), nor is she your Shar’ee slave. Instead, she is your friend.
Such a friend is she that through her your iemaan remains safeguarded. Through her Allah Ta’ala protects your iemaan. It is an amazing relationship that Allah Ta’la forges between husband and wife. If this relationship is maintained in moderation, with regular advice from the Auliyaa, and through careful spiritual reformation (of the spouses), its huge benefits will continue to materialize, and the relationship will grow from strength to strength.
Once an elderly man lost his wife. His children, who were all married and had children of their own, cried out of grief upon the death of their mother. The elderly father looked at them crying and said: “Your grief will last for only 3 days. Thereafter you will go back to your wives and children and enjoy your lives. You will then forget about where your mother has gone. It is me who will experience real grief. Oh! You’ve lost a mother, but for me it’s like losing a mother and a friend! For me it’s a double blow! Whose going to care for me in this old age!?!
My Shaikh used to say that in the youth of marriage, the wife is a partner. When old age sets in, she is like a mother.
A STORY OF STRIKING MORAL
There was a man who treated his wife with great cruelty and injustice. Sometime later, through the decree of Allah, this husband became paralyzed. His invalidity worsened to the extent that he was unable to go to the toilet. He started passing stool and urine in bed. The same wife whom he used to maltreat began cleaning his faeces and urine. She would take him several times a day to the toilet to pass stool and urine, and clean his mess. During this state of helplessness, the man became so ashamed of himself that he was forced to beg his wife for forgiveness. He implored her to pardon all the past years of torment and suffering he had caused her.
This sublime and unique relationship between husband and wife is not mad-made; instead it is of Divine origin. One’s partner has already been recorded in the Lowh-e-Mahfoozh.
THE STORY OF HAZRAT MASEEHUL-UMMAT
My Shaikh’s wife, whom we fondly referred to as Ammijaan, passed away from cancer in 1975. At the onset of this illness she went to major centers like Saharanpur, Muzaffar Nagar, and Meerut for treatment. Thereafter, she was even taken to Delhi for medical attention but the illness grew worse. Eventually she was confined to her bed. Her illness had now become terminal and almost incurable. She was unable to get up and move on her own accord. Now consider the wonderful relation between husband and wife. This is what happens when husband and wife live according to the Pleasure of Allah Ta’ala. I saw my Shaikh with these very eyes, picking up the impurities of his wife with his own blessed hands. (She was bed-ridden and could not go to the latrine.) Hazrat has told his children that this is a private khidmat (service) between your mother and I. It’s my duty to do this, not yours.
Hazrat had an extremely sensitive nature, yet several times a day he would take his wife to the toilet, clean her najaasat, and give her instinjaa in accordance with Shariah rules. He made sure she remained paak (ritually clean) at all times. Wudhu or tayammum, as required was ministered to her by Hazrat himself, he kept her informed of the Salah times, and even taught her how to read Salah while lying on bed. Five times a day he would ensure that her bed was turned towards Qiblah for salah! This is the Divine and unique relationship between spouses. The rank of the wife is indeed high. It appears in the hadith that when the wife is admitted to Paradise, her beauty and charm will surpass even Jannat itself! She will be made the Queen of the Hoors (damsels) of Jannat. This is that God-created partnership.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Purpose of Nikah (Marriage) in the Holy Qur'aan
Almighty Allah outlines the purpose of marriage in The Holy Quran, as follows.
And among His signs (one) is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves (i.e. human beings) so that you may gain comfort among them; and He established between you love and compassion. Indeed in this is a great sign for people who ponder. (Surah Luqman, verse 21.)
IN this verse Allah Ta’ala useds the Arabic term azwaaj which means ’spouses’. The object of nikah delineated in this verse, therefore, applies to both parties, the wife and the husband. Allah Ta’ala thus declares that the purpose of having a spouse is three fold:
For comfort and contentment
Establishment of mawaddah.
Establishment of compassion.
When the above are identified as the components of a marriage it naturally follows that any marriage devoid of all or some of these three ingredients, has not served its purpose. Likewise, if these three spiritual components exist in a marital relationship but not fully then too, such a union is not complete. In both cases, the partners in that bond of nikah have to do some serious soul-searching.
The beauty of the Arabic language is borne out by the choice of words in this verse. Allah Ta’ala says that He established mawaddah between husband and wife. This is deeper in meaning than the word mahabbat which translates as ‘love’. Mawaddah is mutual love. It is the connection of two hearts, as mentioned in the Tafseer of Qurtubi. Mawaddah is different to muhabbah in the sense that the former is a love that connects two hearts.
There is another unique blessing of nikah inferred from this verse. Every Muslim knows, and the Holy Quran has categorically mentioned this teaching in at least three places, that Muslim couples don’t court before marriage. Courting is a custom of the kuffar. Marriage in Islam, therefore, is not preceded by love and promiscuity. Yet Allah Ta’ala states in Surah 30:21 that He has created this special bonding of the hearts (mawaddah) between husband and wife. So if there was no connection and affair between the couple prior to nikah, in spite of which the bond of mwaddah has still been established, it proves that the nikah itself is a means of achieving love, compassion, and unity of the hearts. We ask our couples: After 7 or 10 years of marriage, is this comfort, love, stability, and compassion still there? If not, then you need urgent spiritual counseling.