Formula for Marital Success

This is an abridged translation of a lecture delivered by Hazrat Moulana Haji Muhammed Farouq sahib (rahmatulahi alayh)

We praise Allah and send Salaat and Salaam upon His Noble Messenger. Through the Taufeeq of Allah and the barkat of my Shaikh, in Sukkur I spoke for a few days on the methods and benefits of improving marital relations.

A GREAT BOUNTY
My Hazrat (RA) always stressed on one thing: Your wife is not only your wife, but she is also the female slave of Allah. She is not your worker or naukar (maid), nor is she your Shar’ee slave. Instead, she is your friend.

Such a friend is she that through her your iemaan remains safeguarded. Through her Allah Ta’ala protects your iemaan. It is an amazing relationship that Allah Ta’la forges between husband and wife. If this relationship is maintained in moderation, with regular advice from the Auliyaa, and through careful spiritual reformation (of the spouses), its huge benefits will continue to materialize, and the relationship will grow from strength to strength.
Once an elderly man lost his wife. His children, who were all married and had children of their own, cried out of grief upon the death of their mother. The elderly father looked at them crying and said: “Your grief will last for only 3 days. Thereafter you will go back to your wives and children and enjoy your lives. You will then forget about where your mother has gone. It is me who will experience real grief. Oh! You’ve lost a mother, but for me it’s like losing a mother and a friend! For me it’s a double blow! Whose going to care for me in this old age!?!
My Shaikh used to say that in the youth of marriage, the wife is a partner. When old age sets in, she is like a mother.

A STORY OF STRIKING MORAL
There was a man who treated his wife with great cruelty and injustice. Sometime later, through the decree of Allah, this husband became paralyzed. His invalidity worsened to the extent that he was unable to go to the toilet. He started passing stool and urine in bed. The same wife whom he used to maltreat began cleaning his faeces and urine. She would take him several times a day to the toilet to pass stool and urine, and clean his mess. During this state of helplessness, the man became so ashamed of himself that he was forced to beg his wife for forgiveness. He implored her to pardon all the past years of torment and suffering he had caused her.
This sublime and unique relationship between husband and wife is not mad-made; instead it is of Divine origin. One’s partner has already been recorded in the Lowh-e-Mahfoozh.

THE STORY OF HAZRAT MASEEHUL-UMMAT
My Shaikh’s wife, whom we fondly referred to as Ammijaan, passed away from cancer in 1975. At the onset of this illness she went to major centers like Saharanpur, Muzaffar Nagar, and Meerut for treatment. Thereafter, she was even taken to Delhi for medical attention but the illness grew worse. Eventually she was confined to her bed. Her illness had now become terminal and almost incurable. She was unable to get up and move on her own accord. Now consider the wonderful relation between husband and wife. This is what happens when husband and wife live according to the Pleasure of Allah Ta’ala. I saw my Shaikh with these very eyes, picking up the impurities of his wife with his own blessed hands. (She was bed-ridden and could not go to the latrine.) Hazrat has told his children that this is a private khidmat (service) between your mother and I. It’s my duty to do this, not yours.
Hazrat had an extremely sensitive nature, yet several times a day he would take his wife to the toilet, clean her najaasat, and give her instinjaa in accordance with Shariah rules. He made sure she remained paak (ritually clean) at all times. Wudhu or tayammum, as required was ministered to her by Hazrat himself, he kept her informed of the Salah times, and even taught her how to read Salah while lying on bed. Five times a day he would ensure that her bed was turned towards Qiblah for salah! This is the Divine and unique relationship between spouses. The rank of the wife is indeed high. It appears in the hadith that when the wife is admitted to Paradise, her beauty and charm will surpass even Jannat itself! She will be made the Queen of the Hoors (damsels) of Jannat. This is that God-created partnership.